I am screwed. S-C-R-E-W-E-D would be a more accurate representation, maybe. In the past four years, I’ve seen my life blowing up in front of me like a fourth-of-July firecracker, while I stood helpless watching it go kaboom before my eyes. Why is this happening to me, God? What have I done to deserve this? Why single me out for (as C.R. would have put it) “balatkar” when all I asked for was a “chamatkar”? This, ladies and gentlemen, is my story, in my words.
I might sound very chetan bhagatish as I put it down; hence bear with me. I’m neither an IIT Delhi undergrad, nor am I packing up for a one way trip to Ahmedabad in the near future. I’m jobless (not that I wanted any in the first place), officially single, and yes, most importantly, very well endowed with academic investments in my fucked up university. I regret, those were mistakes… the three mistakes of my life.
Mistake 1
The air was abuzz with change. It was a new century, a new government and new hopes. Loyola School had a new ISC batch to look forward to. Fifty black and white little future additions to the multitude of doctors and engineers who roughly constitute 99 percent of India’s reproducible population. Did I say fifty? Nah. There were two of us who were different. The human reproductive system wasn’t our cup of tea, nor were the COOHs and CHOOs of organic chemistry. Aah… we were entrepreneurs. So what if we couldn’t pronounce the word properly, half of our classmates never knew what the goddamn thing meant anyways! The stock market used to be our fodder for the physics period, while chemistry saw us doodling pie charts to cater to our incredibly waterproof and wildly fantastic business plans. Warren Buffet and Carlos Slim were THE people to beat. All we wanted was a villa by the sea, a seven star yacht and a bathroom large enough for an occasional baseball tournament.
All said and done, we were not bad students. We wrote our tests and rarely if ever, flunked, and if we ever did, we took it in stride. I was the average Joe, never really bothering to put in all the extra effort to challenge the revered ones at the top, while always maintaining a respectable altitude from ground zero. In contrast, he was Mr Inconsistent. His graph was a drawn-to-scale representation of the Swiss Alps. Sometimes soaring to reach unheard of heights, before charting an undignified free fall to the depths of oblivion.
Enter, the Kerala University with its engineering entrance. One thing that remained constant was our dedication, rather, the lack of it. Engineering was a one night stand, entrepreneurship was the ultimate goal. Not a surprise then, when we barely managed to fall within the 3K barrier. We parted ways, our quest for technical excellence leading us in different directions. Multiple rounds of counseling and several cups of coffee later, MBCET and electronics it was for me. Mistake number one.
Four years on and I realize that I’ve come nowhere. My ambitions, my goals were different. I’ve never really done justice to either, my dream of becoming an entrepreneur, or my avatar as an electronics engineer. Listen to your heart, take your own road. It’s easy to become a glory hunter, its tough to walk it alone.
Mistake 2
Love happens; like it did when you came into my life. If looks could kill, you would have been booked for murder, sweetheart. My heart skipped a beat each time you looked at me; and stopped altogether the day you turned and smiled. I wake filled with thoughts of you which have left my senses in turmoil. The world, my dear, marks its history simply by AD and BC. I mark it by the first time I saw you. All these years, I wanted to tell you what you really meant to me. I never could. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all. Countless times have I tried to talk to you, faltering each time as I got closer to you.
Mistake number two. I regret not that I loved; I regret my helplessness, my inability to express my love for you. Is it too late now? It never is; for there’s always hope, remember? Until then, love, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
Mistake 3
I lived my life in college like a playboy on steroids. Beach parties, Monday matinees, intra-lecture siestas; I’ve done them all. What drove me was a wacko belief that I was too smart for engineering. The series exams were an annoying reality one had to live with. My preparations for these usually started in earnest the previous night, before ending up in tatters on the day of reckoning, which was marked by two hours of uncomfortable butt wiggling in some drawing hall. I had turned into a pack of cards, all shuffled up, with the jokers running riot.
Mistake number three. I was stupid. Why did I expect things to work out just fine at the end? They never would, especially when I did not put in the dedication and effort that was required of me all these years. Pay heed if you do not want to end up where I am, when you finish up. Make sure you give your best to whatever you do, and do it with utmost sincerity and conviction.
I might be screwed, but give up, I wont. My mistakes have shown me the way forward, and I still have a long way to go. You game, Carlos?
I might sound very chetan bhagatish as I put it down; hence bear with me. I’m neither an IIT Delhi undergrad, nor am I packing up for a one way trip to Ahmedabad in the near future. I’m jobless (not that I wanted any in the first place), officially single, and yes, most importantly, very well endowed with academic investments in my fucked up university. I regret, those were mistakes… the three mistakes of my life.
Mistake 1
The air was abuzz with change. It was a new century, a new government and new hopes. Loyola School had a new ISC batch to look forward to. Fifty black and white little future additions to the multitude of doctors and engineers who roughly constitute 99 percent of India’s reproducible population. Did I say fifty? Nah. There were two of us who were different. The human reproductive system wasn’t our cup of tea, nor were the COOHs and CHOOs of organic chemistry. Aah… we were entrepreneurs. So what if we couldn’t pronounce the word properly, half of our classmates never knew what the goddamn thing meant anyways! The stock market used to be our fodder for the physics period, while chemistry saw us doodling pie charts to cater to our incredibly waterproof and wildly fantastic business plans. Warren Buffet and Carlos Slim were THE people to beat. All we wanted was a villa by the sea, a seven star yacht and a bathroom large enough for an occasional baseball tournament.
All said and done, we were not bad students. We wrote our tests and rarely if ever, flunked, and if we ever did, we took it in stride. I was the average Joe, never really bothering to put in all the extra effort to challenge the revered ones at the top, while always maintaining a respectable altitude from ground zero. In contrast, he was Mr Inconsistent. His graph was a drawn-to-scale representation of the Swiss Alps. Sometimes soaring to reach unheard of heights, before charting an undignified free fall to the depths of oblivion.
Enter, the Kerala University with its engineering entrance. One thing that remained constant was our dedication, rather, the lack of it. Engineering was a one night stand, entrepreneurship was the ultimate goal. Not a surprise then, when we barely managed to fall within the 3K barrier. We parted ways, our quest for technical excellence leading us in different directions. Multiple rounds of counseling and several cups of coffee later, MBCET and electronics it was for me. Mistake number one.
Four years on and I realize that I’ve come nowhere. My ambitions, my goals were different. I’ve never really done justice to either, my dream of becoming an entrepreneur, or my avatar as an electronics engineer. Listen to your heart, take your own road. It’s easy to become a glory hunter, its tough to walk it alone.
Mistake 2
Love happens; like it did when you came into my life. If looks could kill, you would have been booked for murder, sweetheart. My heart skipped a beat each time you looked at me; and stopped altogether the day you turned and smiled. I wake filled with thoughts of you which have left my senses in turmoil. The world, my dear, marks its history simply by AD and BC. I mark it by the first time I saw you. All these years, I wanted to tell you what you really meant to me. I never could. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all. Countless times have I tried to talk to you, faltering each time as I got closer to you.
Mistake number two. I regret not that I loved; I regret my helplessness, my inability to express my love for you. Is it too late now? It never is; for there’s always hope, remember? Until then, love, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
Mistake 3
I lived my life in college like a playboy on steroids. Beach parties, Monday matinees, intra-lecture siestas; I’ve done them all. What drove me was a wacko belief that I was too smart for engineering. The series exams were an annoying reality one had to live with. My preparations for these usually started in earnest the previous night, before ending up in tatters on the day of reckoning, which was marked by two hours of uncomfortable butt wiggling in some drawing hall. I had turned into a pack of cards, all shuffled up, with the jokers running riot.
Mistake number three. I was stupid. Why did I expect things to work out just fine at the end? They never would, especially when I did not put in the dedication and effort that was required of me all these years. Pay heed if you do not want to end up where I am, when you finish up. Make sure you give your best to whatever you do, and do it with utmost sincerity and conviction.
I might be screwed, but give up, I wont. My mistakes have shown me the way forward, and I still have a long way to go. You game, Carlos?
2 comments:
fantastic article but ur second mistake made no sense at all..
damn neat stuff dude. good stuff. RESPECT for the narration skills
Post a Comment