The modern day autorickshaw has come a long way indeed. And with it, has its driver. Both have, over the ages evolved into a whole new species that lives on the edge, drives on the limit and breeds like a rabbit. Going by the sheer number of these vehicles that exist on our roads today, an auto driver would have to be born every minute... Hmmm... I wonder who's responsible?
Schumacher retired from racing a couple of years ago.. but his memories fail to fade from our roads. Well, I happened to meet one such "memory" today at East Fort where I was on the lookout for an auto. This guy was well in his twenties with his short hair neatly combed to one side. He was wearing a pink mundu with roses printed all over it... and a khaki shirt with the top two buttons missing. Adorning his wrist was a golden watch, which seemed a tad too loose for him. His auto was covered with graffiti.. with a few black patches visible here and there. "Kuttan loves Anju" read a headline at the back.. Next to it was a sticker saying "SPEED KING", with Mohanlal's latest flick "madambi's" poster occupying prime space below it. In front was the name.. "RAJA HINDUSTANI". The windshied was a riot of colours with streamers dangling from the top. At the bottom centre was Shiva doing the tandav in all his glory. Flanking him on the right was Christ and on the left was Mecca with Arabic lettering all over it. Over his head, just above the windshield was a velvet compartment that stretched from end to end. At the ends were tiny, little speakers from "Soni" which incredibly offered "500 W of surround sound".
As I waved to him, a look of annoyance spread right across his face as if a passenger was the last thing he wanted in his royal chariot. He gave the handle a sharp twist nearly banging a poor ol' cyclist who happened to be passing by, giving him the fright of his life... and finally stopping the thing a good five meters away on the other side! He poked his head outside and started watching with amusement the ultimate spectacle of me crossing the road.
As I approached, he shook his hands to know where I wanted to go. "PMG" I said.. Now I was at his mercy. It all depended on him. With one wave he could dismiss me and go, leaving me stranded to await the mercy of another great man to pass by.. But today, he was in a benevolent mood. He pointed at me to get inside and with a quick jerk, lifted the ignition stick as the monster fired to life. Half my ass was still exposed to the perils of the atmosphere when the black beauty took off with a mind numbing screech. Somehow, I managed to pull myself back inside in one piece. The world outside was a blur. Kuttan was twisting the throttle with full vigour. The other hand was flying on the clutch with gears being mauled with equal dedication. Hey did we cross East Fort?... I was just trying to figure that out, when Kuttan stamped the fuckin life out of the brakes and the auto went into a tailspin. Miraculously Kuttan countered the spin by gently feeding the throttle and leaning all the way to his right and brought RAJA HINDUSTANI to a halt just millimeters away from a merc's rear bumper. The merc driver glared at Kuttan and Kuttan glared back. We had reached overbridge. The lights were red. Kuttan halted beside the merc and glared once more. The merc driver who apparently had had enough glaring for the day looked everywhere else but at Kuttan.. Now our Kuttan was getting bored. Standing still was a challenge.. An insult to his machine.. Could he take off now? No. There was a constable on his right. Kuttan leaned back on his throne and gave a deep sigh as he went into deep thought. What was on his mind? Anju and her beautiful smile? Her pretty eyes? Her rosy lips...?
Kuttan jumped awake at the sound of a horn from behind. One glance at the traffic lights told him that they had turned green. This was HIS colour. It was time for action. He was in a drag machine and that merc was his enemy. Anju could wait. As the engine roared to life, Kuttan floored the throttle. He was bent low over the steering... His face, a picture of supreme concentration. The merc driver could only whimper this time as Kuttan whizzed past his car, nearly smashing his side view mirror into a billion pieces.
As the three wheeled monster glided along the streets.. Kuttan kept taking in the sights and sounds of the city all the time. He didn't miss the aroma of sambhar wafting towards us from a vegetarian restaurant at Statue. He didnt miss the foreign tourists taking a stroll at Palayam. And he certainly didnt miss those hot chicks coming out of the godamm university I belong to.
As the meter clicked away merrily, Kuttan kept humming a Tamil tune to himself as his mundu kept fluttering in the breeze like a flag on a polestaff. At PMG, our vehicle started to slow... and like an aircraft touching down, the auto taxied down the road and came to a halt somewhere near plamoodu, a few hundred meters from where I wanted to get off.
Kuttan twisted himself to get a good look at the meter and then at me with the expression on his face clearly indicating that if I tried to run away without paying up...... I hurriedly took out the purse from my pocket and handed him the money. He searched for change in his shirt pocket. He searched below his throne. He even searched everywhere behind the pink flowery mundu.. And finally with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes, he looked back at me helplessly.... and then sped away into the distance.
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